Weekly D'var Torah

Ah, constructive criticism….how we say we love you!  And in reality - maybe not so much…
 
After all, how can we improve ourselves without frank and truthful feedback?  Who of us can truly be aware of our shortcomings?  We are hard-wired it seems to overlook our faults unless they smack us upside the head.  And even then, our power to rationalize and activate amazing defense mechanisms is always ready to shield our fragile egos. 
 
So like the Olympic athletes we’ve been watching, in order to truly rise to fulfill our purpose and potential, we need a trusted coach, a mentor who we can trust to offer correction and guidance.
 
The Talmud, as always, has a pithy summation of this:
 
Make for yourself a teacher/mentor, acquire a friend and give everyone you encounter the benefit of the doubt. (Pirkei Avot 6:1)
 
This week's Torah portion opens the book of Deuteronomy, which is one long, constructive criticism of the Jewish people by the one who led them, and loved them most, Moses, our teacher.  “You have not yet eyes to see nor ears to hear…”
 
Hillel the Elder, the Proto rabbi of the first century, famously said that whoever does not add to their character every day detracts from their character.
 
In other words, from the Torah's point of view, self-improvement is not just a good thing, it is a crucial thing.  In the words of the Kotzker Rebbe: If tomorrow I am the same as I am today, what is tomorrow for?
 
Next week we observe the Fast Day of Tisha B’Av. Fast days in Judaism, from Yom Kippur to the Fast of Gedalia, the winter Fast of 10 Tevet and the summer fast of 17 Tammuz, all fall on days of disaster and catastrophe.  But their purpose is not just to commemorate but to drive us to self-reflect and be open to change.  In fact, it was exactly the inability to offer and accept rebuke and correction that resulted in the destruction of Jerusalem.
 
Rabbi Ḥanina said: Jerusalem was destroyed only because the people did not rebuke one another… (Talmud, Shabbat 119b).
 
The art of knowing how to gently offer feedback without causing hurt and offense is rare- some of the Rabbis of the Talmud believe it’s even extinct.  The same goes for the ability to accept correction and critique. 
 
So are we doomed to repeat behaviors, attitudes and approaches with no guidance to change?

The Masters of the Musar movement, a school of thought founded by Rabbi Yisrael of Salant (Lithuania) that flowered in the nineteenth century, whose teachers saw Torah as a guide to self-perfection, offer a daring and original approach.  Ask G-d to show you your faults.  In the words of King David (Psalms 19:12): "Who can understand their own faults? Cleanse me of hidden sins."
 
How does this work?
 
Like this: Whenever you hear a fault or flaw described in any context no matter who it refers to, assume that you are being addressed and that the shortcoming is yours.  Examine yourself carefully and try to find the reason that the “rebuke” was presented to you. 
 
Example: If you hear that someone was impatient or callous, take it personally.  Think of your own recent interactions and ask yourself frankly and honestly how you could have demonstrated greater patience and sensitivity.  Use this approach consciously and consistently: whenever you hear of a human shortcoming, assume that you hearing it was no accident and make a deliberate effort to identify and rectify within yourself.
 
The Book of Deuteronomy isn’t an easy read: it is full of reproofs and rebukes.  But if we realize that Moses spoke both from deep knowledge of the Jewish people and an even deeper love for us, we can take this journey of self-examination and self-improvement with joy, hope and faith as we approach the end of this difficult and tragic year of 5784 and G-d willing, begin a new year of blessing on Rosh HaShana- October 3rd!- May it bring light, salvation, love and peace to all of Israel and the whole world. Amen!

Shabbat Shalom